Oh puppy, it's not fair. You were taken too soon. Eight years isn't long enough. :(
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
I Will Survive!
This is awesome: 8 Ways To Survive The Next 8 Days
One week and one day. I seriously need to take this advice to heart. Get away from CNN. Stop watching Rachel Maddow. Push the newspaper aside. If this is what being on top of the news is like, no thanks. I'll stick to reading Defamer.
One week and one day. I seriously need to take this advice to heart. Get away from CNN. Stop watching Rachel Maddow. Push the newspaper aside. If this is what being on top of the news is like, no thanks. I'll stick to reading Defamer.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Hey You! The Rock Steady Crew!
Christmas is around the corner, bitches, and I think you can guess what I want.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Oh, hello!
Finally took this off of my phone. This is from a couple of months ago when Broccoli and I went to see El Goldblum-o play some jazz.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Next Up...
#112 - Celebrating the one-year anniversary of Rec Room Comedy, my greatest professional accomplishment to date, with some of my best friends in a packed house.
#113 - Hosting and doing stand-up for the first time, and actually doing pretty well.
#113 - Hosting and doing stand-up for the first time, and actually doing pretty well.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
More Up!
93. In the Pineapple Express commercial, when Seth Rogan puts his gun to his nose and says it smells like tapioca.
93. "Ghostwriter (Remix)" - RJD2
94. Jasmine's sense of humor, and her willingness to accept the people in her life the way they are
95. Seeing how naturally Caroline has taken to motherhood, and what a good job she and KB are doing with Nolan
96. Guacamole parties with cool, new people
97. Julie's success, and her happy life with Andrew
98. Watching Red Sox games with Casey
99. Eating at Toi on Sunset with Jody
100. Listening to Todd's funny outlook on life
101. My consistent, 24-year friendship with Amy
102. Swedes, Please
103. Going to shows at UCB-LA
104. Fat babies
105. Bagel Nosh in Santa Monica - FINALLY good, NY-ish bagels in LA
106. Driving down San Vicente Blvd on the Westside and hitting only green lights until 26th st.
107. The fact that even after 12 years, I still have to sometimes pinch myself when I drive down Sunset Blvd to believe that I live here
108. Pane e Vino
109. That clean laundry can sometimes feel like a new wardrobe
110. The miraculous birth and good health of Teagan
111. Jen-Jen's car dance to the Backstreet Boys
93. "Ghostwriter (Remix)" - RJD2
94. Jasmine's sense of humor, and her willingness to accept the people in her life the way they are
95. Seeing how naturally Caroline has taken to motherhood, and what a good job she and KB are doing with Nolan
96. Guacamole parties with cool, new people
97. Julie's success, and her happy life with Andrew
98. Watching Red Sox games with Casey
99. Eating at Toi on Sunset with Jody
100. Listening to Todd's funny outlook on life
101. My consistent, 24-year friendship with Amy
102. Swedes, Please
103. Going to shows at UCB-LA
104. Fat babies
105. Bagel Nosh in Santa Monica - FINALLY good, NY-ish bagels in LA
106. Driving down San Vicente Blvd on the Westside and hitting only green lights until 26th st.
107. The fact that even after 12 years, I still have to sometimes pinch myself when I drive down Sunset Blvd to believe that I live here
108. Pane e Vino
109. That clean laundry can sometimes feel like a new wardrobe
110. The miraculous birth and good health of Teagan
111. Jen-Jen's car dance to the Backstreet Boys
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Up?
55. Hibachi House frozen Chinese food
56. Henryetta, my favorite stuffed animal and my most prized possession
57. Tejava iced tea
58. Clueless
59. Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion
60. "Letters from LA" - short story in The Informers, by Bret Easton Ellis
61. Talking shop
62. How quiet Santa Monica can get at 9:30pm
63. Three-way IMs with Dru & Joy
64. A good haircut
65. Christmas decorations at any mall
66. Having coffee with my friend Jeff
67. The Friends Thanksgiving episode where Rachel makes the trifle and Phoebe dreams of Jacques Custeau
68. School supplies
69. Reading a really introspective quote about love or life or disappointment that makes me reflect on my own
70. Really good-fitting underwear
71. Listening to comedians drop their cynical nature to talk about other comics they really admire
72. Knowing in my gut that I made the right decision
73. Robert Downey, Jr.
74. Ryan Adams' Gold
75. Getting enough sun on my face to make my cheeks pink
76. Revolving restaurants
77. A meal of a sandwich, a cookie, and a beer
78. The scattered moments that last about 90 seconds when I think that I might actually know what I'm doing
79. The ballet of umbrellas in NYC when it rains
80. Being old enough to know that I know nothing
81.Wine from 2004
82. "Aristotle with the Bust of Homer" -Rembrandt painting in Gallery 13 at the Met in NY
83. The Fricke Museum in NY
84. REM, and how Automatic for the People takes me back to college unlike any other album
85. Knowing that Los Angeles is my home
86. The Black Crows cover of "Hard to Handle"
87. Shopping with Amy and allowing her to talk me into buying things I don't want, and then later on realizing she's right
88. Having Broccoli in LA and seeing her appreciate all the great stuff the city has to offer
89. Riding in Victoria's convertible down Sunset Bl.
90. Free wi-fi
91. Make-up days at Barneys with girlfriends
92. Friends who make an attempt to understand why I am the way I am or why I do the things I do in the way I do them, and love me anyway
56. Henryetta, my favorite stuffed animal and my most prized possession
57. Tejava iced tea
58. Clueless
59. Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion
60. "Letters from LA" - short story in The Informers, by Bret Easton Ellis
61. Talking shop
62. How quiet Santa Monica can get at 9:30pm
63. Three-way IMs with Dru & Joy
64. A good haircut
65. Christmas decorations at any mall
66. Having coffee with my friend Jeff
67. The Friends Thanksgiving episode where Rachel makes the trifle and Phoebe dreams of Jacques Custeau
68. School supplies
69. Reading a really introspective quote about love or life or disappointment that makes me reflect on my own
70. Really good-fitting underwear
71. Listening to comedians drop their cynical nature to talk about other comics they really admire
72. Knowing in my gut that I made the right decision
73. Robert Downey, Jr.
74. Ryan Adams' Gold
75. Getting enough sun on my face to make my cheeks pink
76. Revolving restaurants
77. A meal of a sandwich, a cookie, and a beer
78. The scattered moments that last about 90 seconds when I think that I might actually know what I'm doing
79. The ballet of umbrellas in NYC when it rains
80. Being old enough to know that I know nothing
81.Wine from 2004
82. "Aristotle with the Bust of Homer" -Rembrandt painting in Gallery 13 at the Met in NY
83. The Fricke Museum in NY
84. REM, and how Automatic for the People takes me back to college unlike any other album
85. Knowing that Los Angeles is my home
86. The Black Crows cover of "Hard to Handle"
87. Shopping with Amy and allowing her to talk me into buying things I don't want, and then later on realizing she's right
88. Having Broccoli in LA and seeing her appreciate all the great stuff the city has to offer
89. Riding in Victoria's convertible down Sunset Bl.
90. Free wi-fi
91. Make-up days at Barneys with girlfriends
92. Friends who make an attempt to understand why I am the way I am or why I do the things I do in the way I do them, and love me anyway
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Down
I just came back from hanging with an old friend who I don't see enough. We went for happy hour sushi and drinks at a place right around the corner from me, then went to a bar across town that has a bunch of video games. Some of them didn't work, and we were the only ones in there, but we'd been talking about going there for so long...
Maybe that was part of the let-down. I'm here at home now, and I'm kind of bummed for reasons I can't put my finger on. I have a lot of stress going on right now, so that's probably some of it, but it feels like I'm more sensitive to it at this moment for some reason. I'm aware that I'm down, I don't really know why, and I don't really know what to do about it. So I'm sad.
But I know that there are many things to be happy about. There's a comic, Tom Rhodes (you may remember a Saturday morning show many years ago called "Mr. Rhodes". That was him, which is funny because he's a stand-up comic. And if you know anything about comics, the line to a time slot normally reserved for Smurfs is not exactly linear.). Anyway, so Tom knows a comic friend of mine from back in the day, and Tom was in town doing a show, so our mutual friend coerced me into going.
I'd never paid that much attention to his act; I always knew he was funny, but he never resonated with me personally. The production we saw was less comedy act and more a one-man show. He's traveled all over the world and met all sorts of people (mostly a lot of women)...just really lived life. He was funny quite a bit, and also a little inspirational.
Some of what he talked about was a list of things that make him happy. He keeps it on his website; you can find it here. He's up to 1150. It includes such examples as "orange juice", "performing at the Hotel du Nord in Paris", and "knowing that God looks out for comedians and retards".
So, with that in mind, and in an effort to try to ward off this sadness - actually, scratch that, I want to kick this sadness in its balls - I'm starting my own list on this blog. I'll continue to write about bullshit like Mr Mister videos and what I'm up to in the future, but I'll try to add to this list from time to time. 'Cause dude, I could really use a reference point for this stuff sometimes.
And I encourage each of you to start a list and share.
So here goes:
THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY
1. Knowing that my friends, even just a few of them, read this and care.
2. Decent, $3 happy hour wine
3. Hearing the latest awesome, sometimes ridiculous stuff that Nolan is in to
4. Reconnecting with friends on Facebook
5. Watching 'Sex and the City' reruns on TV before bed even though I've seen them five times each already
6. Doing the same with 'Gilmore Girls"
7. The configuration of my living room
8. Having a piece of original artwork on my wall that was made by my friend Drew, who's a real artist
9. Steve Martin's smiling face
10. Coming home to a book I'm excited about.
11. Browsing Barnes and Noble on a Friday night with nowhere else to be
12. Finding a song I love and being able to download it from iTunes at anytime, even 3am
13. Hearing a room full of people laugh at comedians I've booked
14. Target
15. Running errands in my neighborhood when traffic isn't busy
16. Having a reason to be up at 5am and getting out into the world that early and feeling like the city is my own
17. Being at Starbucks that early
18. Being up that early and getting a ton of stuff done, and then taking a nap at 11am
19. Coming up with a finely crafted comment on Defamer that makes me laugh
20. Nebraska football games, both live and on TV
21. Red Sox bars
22. Sam Adams Light
23. Marlborough St in Boston
24. The Public Garden in Boston
25. All things Boston
26. Woodburning stoves
27. Flipz, the chocolate-covered pretzel snack
28. Rain in Wyoming
29. A point on Yellowstone Rd where there are no street lamps and no stop lights, only stars
30. Le Petit Cafe in Santa Monica and how it actually does feel like being in France
31. Making a mix cd for a friend
32. This free t-shirt/hoodie I won at a KCRW raffle that fits perfectly
33. Fishing in Wyoming
34. Hearing my Dad call me "kiddo"
35. Fuzzy dogs
36. Puppies of all kinds
37. Brunch at my friend Jason's
38. Chinese food
39. Finding a great present for a friend
40. How my car looks when it's clean
41. Dodger games
42. Walking with my iPod
43. Jon Stewart when he gets silly
44. How obnoxious Stephen Colbert's "character" is on the "Colbert Report"
45. The fact that the "t" in "Report" is silent
46. Steve Carell in anything
47. How Rainn Wilson pronounces "Dwight Schrute"
48. "Kelly Kapoor"
49. Eating at Mama's with Zach
50. City Lights bookstore in San Francisco
51. Tosca in SF
52. Vesuvio in SF
53. Breakfast burritos from the MTV commissary in Santa Monica
54. Coming home after my house has been cleaned
Ok, I need to go to bed, but this is a start. Honest to God, I do feel a little better.
Maybe that was part of the let-down. I'm here at home now, and I'm kind of bummed for reasons I can't put my finger on. I have a lot of stress going on right now, so that's probably some of it, but it feels like I'm more sensitive to it at this moment for some reason. I'm aware that I'm down, I don't really know why, and I don't really know what to do about it. So I'm sad.
But I know that there are many things to be happy about. There's a comic, Tom Rhodes (you may remember a Saturday morning show many years ago called "Mr. Rhodes". That was him, which is funny because he's a stand-up comic. And if you know anything about comics, the line to a time slot normally reserved for Smurfs is not exactly linear.). Anyway, so Tom knows a comic friend of mine from back in the day, and Tom was in town doing a show, so our mutual friend coerced me into going.
I'd never paid that much attention to his act; I always knew he was funny, but he never resonated with me personally. The production we saw was less comedy act and more a one-man show. He's traveled all over the world and met all sorts of people (mostly a lot of women)...just really lived life. He was funny quite a bit, and also a little inspirational.
Some of what he talked about was a list of things that make him happy. He keeps it on his website; you can find it here. He's up to 1150. It includes such examples as "orange juice", "performing at the Hotel du Nord in Paris", and "knowing that God looks out for comedians and retards".
So, with that in mind, and in an effort to try to ward off this sadness - actually, scratch that, I want to kick this sadness in its balls - I'm starting my own list on this blog. I'll continue to write about bullshit like Mr Mister videos and what I'm up to in the future, but I'll try to add to this list from time to time. 'Cause dude, I could really use a reference point for this stuff sometimes.
And I encourage each of you to start a list and share.
So here goes:
THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY
1. Knowing that my friends, even just a few of them, read this and care.
2. Decent, $3 happy hour wine
3. Hearing the latest awesome, sometimes ridiculous stuff that Nolan is in to
4. Reconnecting with friends on Facebook
5. Watching 'Sex and the City' reruns on TV before bed even though I've seen them five times each already
6. Doing the same with 'Gilmore Girls"
7. The configuration of my living room
8. Having a piece of original artwork on my wall that was made by my friend Drew, who's a real artist
9. Steve Martin's smiling face
10. Coming home to a book I'm excited about.
11. Browsing Barnes and Noble on a Friday night with nowhere else to be
12. Finding a song I love and being able to download it from iTunes at anytime, even 3am
13. Hearing a room full of people laugh at comedians I've booked
14. Target
15. Running errands in my neighborhood when traffic isn't busy
16. Having a reason to be up at 5am and getting out into the world that early and feeling like the city is my own
17. Being at Starbucks that early
18. Being up that early and getting a ton of stuff done, and then taking a nap at 11am
19. Coming up with a finely crafted comment on Defamer that makes me laugh
20. Nebraska football games, both live and on TV
21. Red Sox bars
22. Sam Adams Light
23. Marlborough St in Boston
24. The Public Garden in Boston
25. All things Boston
26. Woodburning stoves
27. Flipz, the chocolate-covered pretzel snack
28. Rain in Wyoming
29. A point on Yellowstone Rd where there are no street lamps and no stop lights, only stars
30. Le Petit Cafe in Santa Monica and how it actually does feel like being in France
31. Making a mix cd for a friend
32. This free t-shirt/hoodie I won at a KCRW raffle that fits perfectly
33. Fishing in Wyoming
34. Hearing my Dad call me "kiddo"
35. Fuzzy dogs
36. Puppies of all kinds
37. Brunch at my friend Jason's
38. Chinese food
39. Finding a great present for a friend
40. How my car looks when it's clean
41. Dodger games
42. Walking with my iPod
43. Jon Stewart when he gets silly
44. How obnoxious Stephen Colbert's "character" is on the "Colbert Report"
45. The fact that the "t" in "Report" is silent
46. Steve Carell in anything
47. How Rainn Wilson pronounces "Dwight Schrute"
48. "Kelly Kapoor"
49. Eating at Mama's with Zach
50. City Lights bookstore in San Francisco
51. Tosca in SF
52. Vesuvio in SF
53. Breakfast burritos from the MTV commissary in Santa Monica
54. Coming home after my house has been cleaned
Ok, I need to go to bed, but this is a start. Honest to God, I do feel a little better.
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
I'll Tumblr For Ya
Yes, I've found yet another way to support my increasing web-narcissism. In addition to this blog, Myspace, Facebook, Friendster (ok, I don't really use that one anymore), and Twitter, you can now find me here on Tumblr. Think of it as micro-blogging. They make it ridiculously easy to import multi-media. But also, as technology has a way of doing, it gets fucked up from time to time, too. (See example, Omaha lightning video post.)
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Seven Words + A Million More
George Carlin died tonight in Santa Monica of a heart attack. He was 71.
Technically, the term used was "heart failure", but I hate the idea of saying that. Sure, medically his heart gave out and didn't hold up its end of the bargain by keeping him alive. But in every other sense, his heart was far from failing.
He's a comedy giant. Just...a giant, a fucking idol. He is (was...I hate the past tense) a pioneer. He wasn't just a stand-up; he was more like a comedic philosopher king. I remember watching his HBO specials as a kid (my parents unaware) probably a lot earlier than I should have been. I grew up watching those specials, all 14 of them. Fourteen hours of new, really good material. Do you know what a feat that is? Most comics don't have an hour of solid material until they're at least 10 years into it, and few are able to move beyond that set.
My Mom used to try to deter me from swearing by saying that educated people didn't use those words. George was a high school drop-out, but he was one of the smartest people out there.
In times like this, most people say "R.I.P." I hope for the sake of Heaven and God (which he didn't believe in, but I do) he's up there, pissed off as ever, unpeaceful, and making everyone laugh like he did down here.
**********************************************************************
Enjoy this clip and delight in his delicious love of language:
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Well This Sucks...
I just got back into town tonight, almost a week away from my laptop, and discovered upon booting it back up that all of my bookmarks are gone. GONE. One of the few things I'd actually organized (Job Stuff, Blogs, Comedy Promotions, etc). Fuck. I can't think that a virus could do that, could it? I mean, that sounds so specific, to erase only bookmarks.
UGH!
Anyone else ever hear of this?
UGH!
Anyone else ever hear of this?
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Wave Your Hands In The Air
Joy and I were talking earlier this evening about the monstrosity that is Scarlett Johansson's new album full of Tom Waits covers (And no, I'm not linking it. That insufferable snot doesn't need any more help selling her whore-tastic idea, plus there's an entire blog-rant I'm publishing on its release day, so just you wait.)
I won't go into it, but we stumbled across this lovely gem:
Yup, remember Mr Mister? Ooooh, the deliciousness of it all. It's like part of a time capsule from junior high for me. Everything in there - everything - reeks of cliche. Only this was, I don't know, 1987? So back then, this stuff wasn't ironic. Witness:
...and other casual snippets of their lives off-stage.
I had a crush on the lead singer for about two weeks, and looking at this again reminds me that he was kind of foxy. I wasn't wrong about that one.
Anyway, watch for yourselves. You'll thank me later.
I won't go into it, but we stumbled across this lovely gem:
Yup, remember Mr Mister? Ooooh, the deliciousness of it all. It's like part of a time capsule from junior high for me. Everything in there - everything - reeks of cliche. Only this was, I don't know, 1987? So back then, this stuff wasn't ironic. Witness:
Backstage hijinks!
Limo goofyness! (did the lead singer just lean out the window and eat sushi while the car is in motion? Oh yes he did!)
Random acts of tap dancing!
Over-the-head hand clapping at the "breakin' it down" mark!
Slo-mo jump in the air with the guitar!
Slo-mo spin with the guitar!
Entire band walking down the beach, lead singer stops to skip a rock into the ocean!
Running in place in front of the mic!
Oh! Oh! Oh my God! Did the limo break down, thus forcing the very band inside to push it from behind to help? Oh those guyyyyyyys!
High five hit on the beat!
Old guy playing the accordion on the boardwalk!
...and other casual snippets of their lives off-stage.
I had a crush on the lead singer for about two weeks, and looking at this again reminds me that he was kind of foxy. I wasn't wrong about that one.
Anyway, watch for yourselves. You'll thank me later.
Friday, April 04, 2008
Mix It Up
Check it out - online mix tapes!
http://jenhen.muxtape.com/
You can make your own here: http://muxtape.com/
Unfortunately, you can only use MP3s and most of my songs are 4s, so it's not the best cross-section of my tunes, but at least there's no Steely Dan.
http://jenhen.muxtape.com/
You can make your own here: http://muxtape.com/
Unfortunately, you can only use MP3s and most of my songs are 4s, so it's not the best cross-section of my tunes, but at least there's no Steely Dan.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Rub-a-dub-dub
I "befriended" Martha Plimpton on Myspace a while ago. I hadn't thought about her for a long time prior, other than to remember her as a very good actress, and I don't know how I stumbled across her page, but I'm thankful I did. If you have an account, I strongly suggest you start reading her blog there, which is really funny and heartfelt and interesting (I first got hooked because she wrote about her experience performing in "The Coast of Utopia", Tom Stoppard's magnum opus). She's just cool and open and sometimes raw, particularly in her last post which was published two days ago, around the same time as my bummerfest. Reading her's made me feel better, but what really did the trick was a video she posted by her friend and mega-hottie Craig Bierko called "Bathing with Bierko":
First installment - John Malkovich. Yup, the interview happens IN THE BATHTUB. TOGETHER. I'll say it again.
JOHN MALKOVICH
And he plays along. It opens with Craig washing JM's head. It's one of the funniest things I've seen in a long, long time.
First installment - John Malkovich. Yup, the interview happens IN THE BATHTUB. TOGETHER. I'll say it again.
JOHN MALKOVICH
And he plays along. It opens with Craig washing JM's head. It's one of the funniest things I've seen in a long, long time.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Blergh
Holy crap, people, I think I made it to the end of the internet. I'm so bored. Home on a Friday night, which I should be ok with since I had some friends over last night for dinner and talk. Oh, and I'm b-roke, so that factors in. Right now I'm watching the end of a Gilmore Girls episode I've seen probably 10 times.
My birthday is next Saturday and I'm having a party at my house. I really debated about doing something. I'm kind of tired of planning these things, but really, if not me, than who? No boyfriend, no husband, and as much as I like my local friends, I'm not foolish enough to think anyone would step up to the plate to organize something. That, and I'm a better coordinator than most of them, so if it's going to be done right, I guess I'm the best one for the job.
When your birthday is on a Saturday, it kind of begs for plans. As I said in the Evite I sent out, I've seen everyone awkwardly split the check in years past over dinners, drinks, etc, so this year, everyone is coming over to my place. I'm doing the cleaning and providing of cupcakes, but I'm asking everyone else to bring booze or some sort of food product. Easier for everyone. Next year it falls on a Monday, so this might be the last hurrah. That I'm in charge of, anyway.
So, I've made my To-Do list and it's surprisingly short. Due to two recent parental visits, the house is in pretty good shape. I'm going to hit the 99 cent store this weekend to see what party crap I can find.
So yeah, other than that, my Mom was in town at the end of last month. We managed to not kill each other, and that was even after skipping our necessary daily afternoon naps. We did a little touristy stuff (she was in town Oscar weekend, so we went to Hollywood & Highland where the Kodak theater is and checked out the Academy Awards exhibit and saw the tent set up for the press and red carpet), household stuff (curtains for the kitchen), the Human Giant show at UCB (she was only a teeny bit taken aback at some of their humor), and some quality relaxation. Dad came into town 10 days after that and took care of some car stuff, made some drives up to Malibu, which I hadn't done in a long time, and a Nebraska meeting.
Prior to that, Broc and I went on a beer crawl in the South Bay put on by a friend of mine I know from my previous job. Second year in a row I've gone...good times. Also, my friend Josh and I and a few of our friends did our annual St Pat's breakfast at Tom Bergin's, the only true authentic Irish pub in LA, if you ask me. Corned beef hash, eggs, and Irish coffee. Yum.
Job hunting continues, temping continues, comedy shows continue, interviews continue, including one for a dog walking service. Exercise, dogs, outdoors, all good. Broc tipped me off to a job at her new place of business, which was mighty kind of her. I'm off to work on a cover letter. I need money. I need to get my hair done and I don't even know if I'll have enough for highlights. Seems trivial, I know, but I could use the pick-me-up.
So that's me in a nutshell...for now. Approaching official mid-30s and not loving it. Christ, I'm almost 34 and this is my life?
My birthday is next Saturday and I'm having a party at my house. I really debated about doing something. I'm kind of tired of planning these things, but really, if not me, than who? No boyfriend, no husband, and as much as I like my local friends, I'm not foolish enough to think anyone would step up to the plate to organize something. That, and I'm a better coordinator than most of them, so if it's going to be done right, I guess I'm the best one for the job.
When your birthday is on a Saturday, it kind of begs for plans. As I said in the Evite I sent out, I've seen everyone awkwardly split the check in years past over dinners, drinks, etc, so this year, everyone is coming over to my place. I'm doing the cleaning and providing of cupcakes, but I'm asking everyone else to bring booze or some sort of food product. Easier for everyone. Next year it falls on a Monday, so this might be the last hurrah. That I'm in charge of, anyway.
So, I've made my To-Do list and it's surprisingly short. Due to two recent parental visits, the house is in pretty good shape. I'm going to hit the 99 cent store this weekend to see what party crap I can find.
So yeah, other than that, my Mom was in town at the end of last month. We managed to not kill each other, and that was even after skipping our necessary daily afternoon naps. We did a little touristy stuff (she was in town Oscar weekend, so we went to Hollywood & Highland where the Kodak theater is and checked out the Academy Awards exhibit and saw the tent set up for the press and red carpet), household stuff (curtains for the kitchen), the Human Giant show at UCB (she was only a teeny bit taken aback at some of their humor), and some quality relaxation. Dad came into town 10 days after that and took care of some car stuff, made some drives up to Malibu, which I hadn't done in a long time, and a Nebraska meeting.
Prior to that, Broc and I went on a beer crawl in the South Bay put on by a friend of mine I know from my previous job. Second year in a row I've gone...good times. Also, my friend Josh and I and a few of our friends did our annual St Pat's breakfast at Tom Bergin's, the only true authentic Irish pub in LA, if you ask me. Corned beef hash, eggs, and Irish coffee. Yum.
Job hunting continues, temping continues, comedy shows continue, interviews continue, including one for a dog walking service. Exercise, dogs, outdoors, all good. Broc tipped me off to a job at her new place of business, which was mighty kind of her. I'm off to work on a cover letter. I need money. I need to get my hair done and I don't even know if I'll have enough for highlights. Seems trivial, I know, but I could use the pick-me-up.
So that's me in a nutshell...for now. Approaching official mid-30s and not loving it. Christ, I'm almost 34 and this is my life?
Saturday, February 09, 2008
A Note About Forwards
I was going through a very old email inbox and recovered the following. It was sent to me nearly nine years ago and it's still the funniest thing I've ever read. It's a little dated, but still hilarious. Back when everyone was sending forwards like there was no tomorrow, I used to send this as a reply.
Date: Wednesday, June 23, 1999 7:05 PM
Subject: For cynics ONLY...
Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar.
I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final
exams, extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal
electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fucking
chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send
them on, that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead
will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her
redneck parents sell her off to the traveling freak show.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give $1,000 to you
and everyone you send "his" email? How stupid are you? Ooooh,
looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every
Playboy model in the magazine! What a bunch of bullshit. So basically,
this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out there who have
nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards.
Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and
sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started
by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims
on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the
Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant
stupidity. Fuck them.
If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly
amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends,
and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a
nickel from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. I don't
fucking care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're
actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your
own unpopularity.
THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
CHAIN LETTER TYPE 1: (Keep Scrolling)
Make a wish!!!
No, really, go on and make one!!!
Oh please, *that* person will never go out with YOU!!!
Wish something else!!!
Not that, you pervert!!
Is your finger getting tired yet?
STOP!!!!
Wasn't that fun? :) Hope you made a great wish :)
Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you
don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped
by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure.
It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one
is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes:
*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.
*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
CHAIN LETTER TYPE 2:
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a
starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no
legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved,
because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the
Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen
Fund. Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent
and this is all a complete load of bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send
this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you
accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly. Thanks
again!!
CHAIN LETTER TYPE 3:
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is
absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not
as many sad pricks with nothing better to do. So this is how it works:
Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something
horrible will happen to you like:
*Bizarre Horror Story #1 Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school
on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She
then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed
down a drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a
waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!
*Bizarre Horror Story #2 Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain
letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car
and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both
died and went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day
for eternity. This Could Happen To You Too!!! Remember, you could end
up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your loser
friends, and everything will be okay.
CHAIN LETTER TYPE 4:
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of
your friends.
Friends A friend is someone who is always at your side, A friend is
someone who likes you even though you stink of shit, and your breath
smells like you've been eating catfood, A friend is someone who likes
you even though you're as ugly as a hat full of assholes. A friend is
someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself. A friend is
someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your sad, sad
life. A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really
think you should be raped by mad goats, then thrown to vicious dogs. A
friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the
cheque and leaves and doesn't speak much English... -no, sorry that's
the cleaning lady, A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters
because he wants his wish of being rich to come true. Now pass this on!
If you don't, you'll never have sex ever again.
AND FINALLY ... ARE YOU GETTING THIS????
The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to
leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If
it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel
guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead
elephant for 27 years, whose only savior is the 5 cents per letter
he'll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like
Miranda. Right? Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise you'll find all
your knickers missing tomorrow morning."
Date: Wednesday, June 23, 1999 7:05 PM
Subject: For cynics ONLY...
Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar.
I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final
exams, extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal
electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fucking
chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send
them on, that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead
will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her
redneck parents sell her off to the traveling freak show.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give $1,000 to you
and everyone you send "his" email? How stupid are you? Ooooh,
looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every
Playboy model in the magazine! What a bunch of bullshit. So basically,
this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out there who have
nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards.
Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and
sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started
by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims
on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the
Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant
stupidity. Fuck them.
If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly
amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends,
and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a
nickel from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. I don't
fucking care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're
actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your
own unpopularity.
THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
CHAIN LETTER TYPE 1: (Keep Scrolling)
Make a wish!!!
No, really, go on and make one!!!
Oh please, *that* person will never go out with YOU!!!
Wish something else!!!
Not that, you pervert!!
Is your finger getting tired yet?
STOP!!!!
Wasn't that fun? :) Hope you made a great wish :)
Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you
don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped
by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure.
It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one
is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes:
*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.
*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
CHAIN LETTER TYPE 2:
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a
starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no
legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved,
because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the
Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen
Fund. Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent
and this is all a complete load of bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send
this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you
accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly. Thanks
again!!
CHAIN LETTER TYPE 3:
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is
absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not
as many sad pricks with nothing better to do. So this is how it works:
Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something
horrible will happen to you like:
*Bizarre Horror Story #1 Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school
on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She
then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed
down a drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a
waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!
*Bizarre Horror Story #2 Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain
letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car
and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both
died and went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day
for eternity. This Could Happen To You Too!!! Remember, you could end
up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your loser
friends, and everything will be okay.
CHAIN LETTER TYPE 4:
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of
your friends.
Friends A friend is someone who is always at your side, A friend is
someone who likes you even though you stink of shit, and your breath
smells like you've been eating catfood, A friend is someone who likes
you even though you're as ugly as a hat full of assholes. A friend is
someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself. A friend is
someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your sad, sad
life. A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really
think you should be raped by mad goats, then thrown to vicious dogs. A
friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the
cheque and leaves and doesn't speak much English... -no, sorry that's
the cleaning lady, A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters
because he wants his wish of being rich to come true. Now pass this on!
If you don't, you'll never have sex ever again.
AND FINALLY ... ARE YOU GETTING THIS????
The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to
leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If
it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel
guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead
elephant for 27 years, whose only savior is the 5 cents per letter
he'll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like
Miranda. Right? Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise you'll find all
your knickers missing tomorrow morning."
Friday, January 18, 2008
Things I Fucking Love to Death that More People Should As Well
We all have things that we're so enamored with that we just can't understand why more people don't love them as much as we do. Once again, I urge you to contribute...
Northern Exposure (thanks to Dru for reminding me of this) - well-written plots, fully developed characters, great music. I wanted to live in Cicily. I still do.
Spoon - truly excellent band
Ted Leo and the Pharmacists - another truly excellent band
Sushi / Fish - ok, this won't win me over with PETA, but sometimes eating a really fresh piece of sashimi feels like I'm ingesting life.
Instant Messenger - I single-handedly credit this service for keeping Dru and I in contact all these years
Bret Easton Ellis - American Psycho is actually my least favorite book of his. Read the short story "Letters from LA" in "The Informers"
Gilmore Girls (it works both here and in the "burning at the stake" one) - Lauren Graham, Lauren Graham, Lauren Graham. Sure, it could be super-girly, but it was witty and snarky and so funny, and sometimes made me weepy.
Old Navy Jeans - ok, maybe you like these, too. They're $25! Can you beat that? And they fit great. Actually, let's make it Old Navy in general. I know they probably get their clothes from warehouses in China who force 10 year old kids to work for 25 cents a week, but since when have you been able to buy a pea coat for under $100? Never, that's when. And I know I'll probably go to hell for shopping there, but at this point isn't it a race between that and all the other crap I've done? At least I'll look good while I'm burning up.
Los Angeles - it's been my home for almost 12 years and overall, it's been good to me. Sometimes when I drive down Sunset, I still can't believe I live here. I bristle whenever I hear a negative word about it. Who doesn't love the ocean and 70-something degree weather all year 'round? (Yes, Dru, we all know you're going to say San Francisco. No one argues with you that it's a great city. When shall we expect our AAA maps and brochures to arrive in the mail?)
Northern Exposure (thanks to Dru for reminding me of this) - well-written plots, fully developed characters, great music. I wanted to live in Cicily. I still do.
Spoon - truly excellent band
Ted Leo and the Pharmacists - another truly excellent band
Sushi / Fish - ok, this won't win me over with PETA, but sometimes eating a really fresh piece of sashimi feels like I'm ingesting life.
Instant Messenger - I single-handedly credit this service for keeping Dru and I in contact all these years
Bret Easton Ellis - American Psycho is actually my least favorite book of his. Read the short story "Letters from LA" in "The Informers"
Gilmore Girls (it works both here and in the "burning at the stake" one) - Lauren Graham, Lauren Graham, Lauren Graham. Sure, it could be super-girly, but it was witty and snarky and so funny, and sometimes made me weepy.
Old Navy Jeans - ok, maybe you like these, too. They're $25! Can you beat that? And they fit great. Actually, let's make it Old Navy in general. I know they probably get their clothes from warehouses in China who force 10 year old kids to work for 25 cents a week, but since when have you been able to buy a pea coat for under $100? Never, that's when. And I know I'll probably go to hell for shopping there, but at this point isn't it a race between that and all the other crap I've done? At least I'll look good while I'm burning up.
Los Angeles - it's been my home for almost 12 years and overall, it's been good to me. Sometimes when I drive down Sunset, I still can't believe I live here. I bristle whenever I hear a negative word about it. Who doesn't love the ocean and 70-something degree weather all year 'round? (Yes, Dru, we all know you're going to say San Francisco. No one argues with you that it's a great city. When shall we expect our AAA maps and brochures to arrive in the mail?)
Monday, January 14, 2008
Things I Like That Will Probably Get Me Burned at the Stake
Justin Timberlake
Spice Girls
Similarly, Victoria Beckham
Gilmore Girls (some of you like this, but I'm always hesitant to bring it up around other people)
The Hills (ok, this one is a guilty pleasure)
Spice Girls
Similarly, Victoria Beckham
Gilmore Girls (some of you like this, but I'm always hesitant to bring it up around other people)
The Hills (ok, this one is a guilty pleasure)
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Thursday, January 03, 2008
The Wrap Up - Christmas Travel '07
Tyra Banks is stupid. Not offensively stupid, but just enough to bug. I'm watching her in the middle of the night as I type this. I've never seen her show, but she's interviewing Lauren Conrad and I have a Hills fetish that I'm not proud of (shut UP), so the clicker stopped here.
Anyway, I'm back in LA after a near two week respite in the Midwest, and let me just say this: holy fuckballs am I glad I live in LA. Lemme 'splain.
My Dad decided he wanted to celebrate in Cheyenne instead of AZ, which I'm ok with since it's home. No matter that I'd have to fly into Denver and deal with winter, it doesn't seem right not to have cold on Christmas day. So it was set and I flew in on Dec 20th to avoid the rush, which worked well. I decided, after last year's follies, to bring everything on the plane with me to avoid the chance of lost luggage. So, I pulled out my little black roller bag that's just small enough to get on a plane (I'm well versed in TSA regulations by now) and loaded up. I went out and bought three ounce bottles for everything. I limited my clothes, included the much-needed sweaters, put things in plastic bags, and let my family know that, while I appreciate their generosity, presents this year would have to be small.
So I loaded up and made it past security just fine, suitcase, carry-on with my laptop, and my huge puffy winter coat. Which, out of my four flights I took within my time away, was the only time I attempted that. Sure, it was nice to know I had everything with me and wasn't at the mercy of the degenerate baggage handlers and had to waste time waiting and waiting and waiting to get my luggage, but the roller bag was ill-equipped to, well, roll smoothly when so overpacked, PLUS the laptop, PLUS the puffy coat. Enough.
All-in-all, traveling went fairly well this year. No delays in LA getting to Denver, I made it in in time to avoid huge crowds AND the Rockies snow on the 21st. Left for Mom's in NE on the 26th and got to hang at the airport with Jered, friend to many in our corner of the blog-iverse, since he was staying at his folks' across the street and had a flight a few hours after mine. The people at the Lincoln airport weren't dicks, which was a refreshing change. Even DIA wasn't too horrible to deal with. Of course, three of my four flights were delayed, granted not more than 45 min each time, but enough to make me glad I avoided connections.
I'll do a Part II about the actual visits, but I'm back in 74 degree weather. Thank GOD!
Anyway, I'm back in LA after a near two week respite in the Midwest, and let me just say this: holy fuckballs am I glad I live in LA. Lemme 'splain.
My Dad decided he wanted to celebrate in Cheyenne instead of AZ, which I'm ok with since it's home. No matter that I'd have to fly into Denver and deal with winter, it doesn't seem right not to have cold on Christmas day. So it was set and I flew in on Dec 20th to avoid the rush, which worked well. I decided, after last year's follies, to bring everything on the plane with me to avoid the chance of lost luggage. So, I pulled out my little black roller bag that's just small enough to get on a plane (I'm well versed in TSA regulations by now) and loaded up. I went out and bought three ounce bottles for everything. I limited my clothes, included the much-needed sweaters, put things in plastic bags, and let my family know that, while I appreciate their generosity, presents this year would have to be small.
So I loaded up and made it past security just fine, suitcase, carry-on with my laptop, and my huge puffy winter coat. Which, out of my four flights I took within my time away, was the only time I attempted that. Sure, it was nice to know I had everything with me and wasn't at the mercy of the degenerate baggage handlers and had to waste time waiting and waiting and waiting to get my luggage, but the roller bag was ill-equipped to, well, roll smoothly when so overpacked, PLUS the laptop, PLUS the puffy coat. Enough.
All-in-all, traveling went fairly well this year. No delays in LA getting to Denver, I made it in in time to avoid huge crowds AND the Rockies snow on the 21st. Left for Mom's in NE on the 26th and got to hang at the airport with Jered, friend to many in our corner of the blog-iverse, since he was staying at his folks' across the street and had a flight a few hours after mine. The people at the Lincoln airport weren't dicks, which was a refreshing change. Even DIA wasn't too horrible to deal with. Of course, three of my four flights were delayed, granted not more than 45 min each time, but enough to make me glad I avoided connections.
I'll do a Part II about the actual visits, but I'm back in 74 degree weather. Thank GOD!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
